Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
