you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
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