so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Randomize
