I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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