You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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