how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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