In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
