i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
