How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize