I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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