Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
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Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
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But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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