sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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