Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
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Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
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You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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