is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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