i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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