Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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