I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
