Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
