I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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