bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Don't make out with my wife yet
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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