actually, I'm a sock model
Where did you get a picture of my penis
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
smell my finger.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
