1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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