It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
