Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
