Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
