Yo dont text me then not text me
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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