Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Life is so much better after having sex.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
