You just made me feel so damn special
I got chris browned last night
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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