But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
