Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
