i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Randomize
