i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
