SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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