Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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