i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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