READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Randomize
