3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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