i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
