Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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