Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
