they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
