you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
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