You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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