There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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