My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
two words: eviction party
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
