I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
