If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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