i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
