She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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