Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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