my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
