im having a threesome with these popsicles
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
