Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
