Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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