i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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