thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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