no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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