wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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