getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
