I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Woke up backwards on a recliner
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
