I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
