you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
