If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Randomize
