i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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