Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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