so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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