Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Randomize
